Humor is positive too.....

Hi!
Today I am going to focus on positive thoughts that are positive because they are funny,
and a chuckle is substantially higher on the positivity scale then a sob or a sniffle.
I think humor is definitely one of the things that has kept me going when the going got toughest.
You may not find all or even any of these particularly amusing, humor is partially a product of experience and outlook, but I hope you read something here that brightens your day...
-Diane


Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.
-Elbert Hubbard


My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
-Mitch Hedberg


Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
-Mel Brooks


Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
-E. B. White


A child of five would understand this.
Send someone to fetch a child of five.
-Groucho Marx


My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
-Mike Myers


A joke is a very serious thing.
-Winston Churchill



I am not afraid of death, I just don't want
to be there when it happens.
-Woody Allen


My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
-Ellen DeGeneres


A word to the wise ain't necessary -
it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
-Bill Cosby


As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
-Tracy Ullman


Drawing on my fine command of the English language,
I said nothing.
-Robert Benchley


Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
-P.J. O'Rourke


He would make a lovely corpse.
-Charles Dickens


I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
-Steven Wright


I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize
I should have been more specific.
-Lily Tomlin


I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
-Paula Poundstone


I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
-George Burns


Smoking kills.
If you're killed, you've lost
a very important part of your life.
-Brooke Shields


If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.
-Ghandi


Humor is just another defense against the universe.
-Mel Brooks


Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.
-Irvin S. Cobb


Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.
-Tobias Smollet


I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things,
and I have succeeded fairly well.
-Robert Benchley


I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
-Emo Phillips


I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
-Mitch Hedberg


I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
-Carl Sandburg


The superfluous, a very necessary thing.
-Voltaire


We learn from experience
that men never learn anything from experience.
-George Bernard Shaw


Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
-Albert Einstein


If we cut up beasts simply because they cannot prevent us and because we are backing our own side in the struggle for existence, it is only logical to cut up imbeciles, criminals, enemies, or capitalists for the same reasons.
-C.S. Lewis


Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.
-Anon